Q: What does an architect with a job say to a not so fortunate collegue?
A: "Do you want fries with that?"

...

Q: What do you do when you find an architect on your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza!

You know you’re in a recession when:
... you put your family on eBay
... you brag about your new Apple, then go home and eat it
... you took the pennies out of your loafers
... you use your food stamps to buy food
... you develop a taste, and a varied menu, for government cheese
... your weekend home looks remarkably like your weekday home
... your weekday home looks remarkably like your parents’ home
... you’re using credit cards to meet your mortgage payments

A group of stoneage people dressed in primitive animal skins huddle around a camp fire. One of the men is roasting some meat on a stick. While he looks over his shoulder, casting his eyes over the endless prairie he says: "Actually Detroit isn't that bad now that GM is gone"

Whats the difference between a medium pizza and an architect?
- Only one of them can feed a family of four.
(oops, that hurts)

What the difference between a bed and an architect?
One gets layed on, one gets layed off

How do you call an architect in Chicago?
Yell: 'Taxi!'

A local architect won five million dollars in the state lottery. When asked by the reporters what he planned to do with his unexpected windfall, he replied: "I guess I'll keep practicing architecture until the money is gone."

then there's:

An Architect, a retired Stripper, a Midget that plays for the Chicago Cubs and a Rabbi walk into a bar...







and the bartender says: "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

What is the difference between architecture and a whore?
None, they both suck and empty your wallet.

recession is over! i'm no joking^^

What's the difference between bagpipes and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop up the bagpipes.



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Personally I love bagpipes, but I don't know any architect jokes.

Land of OZ

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:
"I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."

"No problem" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain."
"Done" says the Wizard.

"Who comes next before the Great Wizard?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I
need a heart."

"I've heard it's true" says the Wizard. "Consider it done."

Then there is a great silence.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?"

And Willie replies - "Is Dorothy around?"
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An architect, a surgeon, and economist.

The surgeon said, 'Look, we're the most important. God's a surgeon because the very first thing God did was to extract Eve from Adam's rib.'

The architect said, 'No, wait a minute, God is an architect. God made the world in seven days out of chaos.'

The economist smiled, 'And who made the chaos?'

How do you become a millionaire in architecture?

Start with a billion dollars and open a design firm.

man, these are golden...

Woman In The Shadows
A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty bucks," she says.

He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell it's only twenty bucks. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.

"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."

"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."
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my bosses oh so funny joke:

"here's a joke. how do you make a million in architecture?"

me: "i dunno. how?"

"i dunno. change of subject. you need to clear out your desk by the end of the day."

well, maybe after finishing off the building the architect began working on way before the recession, said architect can apply for a position of a janitor for that building. design engineering to 'sanitation engineering', a long love-hate relationship with the building, huh?

"Battle Golf" Joke

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus. "Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!" "No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
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Gift for Snow White
Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.

Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,

"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".
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Question: What do you call a bunch of CEOs, starchitects and bankers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?

Answer: not enough, lawyers are saints compared to you wretches...

for the rest:
http://famousarchitect.blogspot.com/2009/06/62-have-little-humanity-but-not-too.html

Family Tradition

The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose - how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair.

The author assured the family he could handle the story as tactfully as possible and was given the go-ahead to write the book.

The book appeared. It said “Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution and was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a great shock.”
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An artist, a musician and an architect are discussing their conquests..

The artist says, "I'm having affairs with seven women! in fact each night of the week a different one visits me."

"That's nothing." says the musician. "I have a woman in every city that I've toured. There are so many of them that I've lost count, and I don't remember all their names... and not to mention the groupies..."

Both turn to the architect. "What about you? How many women do you have?"

"W.. well" starts the architect. "Every night my wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm with my wife..." Then his face lights up. "But every night I go back to the office and I draw and draw..."

"lawyers are saints compared to you wretches..."

now that's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time

Can anyone give me any insight, opinion or just general knowledge on going to grad school for architecture? I did my undergrad in zoology and decided that this is something I want to do, however the more I look into the more Im getting worried if financially it even makes sense. This is something I have been passionate about, Im taking a pre architecture program in nyc this fall just to get a taste of it. Can I just get ideas on ...if it is a dying profession, will I be able to get a job in 3 years, and would I be better of going into civil engineering? Anything will help!! Thank you..

Training Courses Now Available for Men

Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop

Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge

Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding

Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead

Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?: You CAN Tell the Difference!

If It’s Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I

If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won’t Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II

Going to the Supermarket: It’s Not Just for Women Anymore!

Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In

Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In

Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink

Bathroom Etiquette II: Let’s Wash Those Towels!

Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You’re About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!

Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to Goodwill

Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts

No, The Dishes Won’t Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware

Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!

Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What “Fourth Down and Ten” Means

Going Out to Dinner: Beyond Pizza Hut

Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don’t Fall Under the “Action/Adventure” Category

Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

“I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!”: Why Women Laugh

Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let’s Clean the Closet

Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let’s Clean Under the Bed

“I Don’t Know”: Be the First Man to Say It!

The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty

Directions: It’s Okay to Ask for Them

Listening: It’s Not Just Something You Do During Halftime

Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn’t Mean You Can Fix It.

Rude Awakening

A man and his wife are awakened at 3:30 a.m. by a knock on the door. “I’m not getting out of bed at this hour,” he thinks and rolls back over.

A louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.

He opens the door to find a man standing there, obviously drunk. “Hi there,” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push?”

“No, get lost! It’s 3:30 and I was in bed.” says the man and slams the door.

When he goes back upstairs his wife says “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter? You had to knock at the door of that house to get us started again. What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?”

“But the guy was drunk,” says the husband.

“It doesn’t matter,” says his wife. “He needs our help, and it would be the Christian thing to do.”

So Dave gets up. puts on some clothes and goes downstairs. He opens the door, but doesn’t see the stranger. He calls out, “Hey, do you still want a push?”

He hears a voice cry out, “Yeah please.”

But he is still unable to locate the stranger. He shouts: “Where are you?”

And the stranger replies: “I’m over here, on your swing.”
http://reseller.name

The Train Ride

The blonde wife came home from her first day commuting into the city.

Her husband noticed she was looking a little pale and asked, “Honey, are you feeling all right?”

“Not really,” she replied. “To tell you the truth, I’m a little nauseous from sitting backward on the train.”

“Poor dear,” he said. “Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?”

“I wanted to, but I couldn’t,” she replied. “There was no one there.”
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Q: who is soulja boy's favorite modern architect
A: Cooorbuuuuuuuuuuu

(Man... I think that officially makes me an architecture nerd)
Nothing like some bad architect jokes to take the edge off this miserable job market!

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Brian
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